2023 Poem Archives by Saul Hirshberg
-In Memoriam: Jack Kushinsky
90,
A wonderful number, perhaps.
A rather large number, undoubtedly,
But simultaneously the shortest possible number.
And to think, every loss has some sort of resemblance of that horrible day: June, 7, 2020,
You weren’t simply a great-grandfather. You were an infinitely great and extraordinarily grand father.
I remain grieving, as even your acquaintances are.
You brought goodness to anywhere you set foot upon, and despite the remarkable number, 90!!!!
It is ridiculously small.
Your name should be perpetually written on the book of life,
And what idiocy is it to eliminate that name?
A recitation of your wonderful characteristics would send me far beyond my deathbed by the time it was completed.
I learned numerous things from you:
How to be modest (it worked remarkably well, but I remain boasting nevertheless),
How to remark upon your love of someone,
But, in spite of this, I have only accomplished 1/1,000,000 of your charm.
I learned several things from you:
How to make subtle jokes that are actually humorous,
How to inquire about another individual’s day,
But, in spite of this, I have only accomplished 1/1,000,000, NO, 1/∞ of your charm.
Oh, Poppy!
Yours truly, Saul!
Assigning Characteristics to Various Things
I’d like to assign characteristics,
So perhaps I should begin.
A pretzel beckons while you are consuming,
“You’re making me horribly thin,”
A fish beckons while you are consuming,
“You’re terribly hurting my fin,”
The fish stumbles upon a mere piece of tin, to which the tin remarks,
“I’m not simply a tin, I’m not bound to be an insignificant tin, for I can create and I can refine.
To think, I’d really like a dime.”
To which the dime replies,
“What is it with you? Do you consider me a measly piece of poo, or perhaps “feces”, if I’d like to be a scholar,
For I receive pennies and I receive dollars.”
The quarrel continues, nearly infinitely,
Until it approaches the human,
The human is undoubtedly their superiors,
He was very fond of the dime.
Fondness
Perhaps it is a bit of a peculiar title.
If I’m merely expressing my fondness for dogs.
But, dogs noticeably have a superior intellect than any human.
To think, they are wonderful at manipulating.
Their yearning beckon, some sort of desperate remark:
“Oh, for the love of god, pet me!”
Oh, if an human exclaimed this,
It would likely be considered rather obnoxious.
Despite being a bit excessive regarding manipulation,
They possess so much love.
Pleasure should be considered a currency,
Dog owners would be so very affluent!
Oh, and to think,
A mere 1,000 dollars can purchase that of several billion dollars.
If only we could comprehend the dog’s strategic thoughts,
We could institute pleasure among billions.
Pleasure…
Success proneness,
Significant increase of mental illness rarity.
A dog’s intellect is a commodity,
If only I possess it.
Of course, my begging won’t do anything,
Only a dog’s charm could receive that luxury!
Oh, Lennon, McCartney, Harrison, Starr,
Money can certainly buy you love.
But simply a few thousand dollars.
Defending My Spouse
It’s become a sort of expectation,
To hear this precise remark, “Swimming is such an unimportant sport!”
It is treated as something sort of insignificant,
That an individual wouldn’t bother watching.
Perhaps it would surprise you to hear that swimming is a rather common Olympic profession.
Perhaps it would surprise you to hear that several million people globally are fond of swimming.
Perhaps it would surprise you that simply because something is not recognized merely where you reside doesn’t mean that it isn’t dear to a plethora of people.
Because, my wife cannot be the victim of this ridiculous shaming.
Is it easy to complete an entire approximate mile of swimming in a mere 10 minutes?
Is it easy to complete an entire 25 meters of swimming without breathing, looking down at the bland line below the pool, nothing occurring other than your yearn to defeat your opponent.
Is that easy?
Perhaps it would surprise you that this one rant could go on infinitely, its duration would virtually continue forever.
And you would merely be educated in the slightest bit by listening and comprehending the entire rant.
So reconsider your various shames regarding swimming,
Reconsider every sport that you have ever participated in.
Because, as every non-rotten individual should know, swimming will perpetually be atop some other rubbish.
A Poem Merely Expressing My Fondness For Boasting
To think, I am writing a poem praising the art of poetry.
It is admittedly a bit odd.
But, can I pride myself simply on writing this poem?
Or by conducting something regarding poetry.
Are you extraordinary simply because you are writing poetry, NO!
But it is unanimous among the human race that this poem is horribly remarkable,
While simultaneously being equally unanimous that the author of this poem is very fond of boasting,
Someone might think, “There couldn’t possibly be a poem as good as this!”
There are numerous poems better than this.
Simply because a poem is remarkable doesn’t mean another poem is a bit better.
Certainly not a significant amount better!
Oh, and I suppose I’m being humorous for the sake of it!
But the truth remains nevertheless,
Poetry (particularly this poem) is wonderful.
An individual’s mind merely focuses on the terrible things.
A relatively distant relative is passing. Perhaps I should be grieving!
An individual’s mind merely focuses on the terrible things.
Is my intellect fading? Will I not have a successful profession?
An individual’s mind merely focuses on the terrible things.
Certainly witnessing that shooting on television was disturbing. And to think, I am laying atop my chair while simultaneously someone is being slaughtered.
An individual’s mind merely focuses on the terrible things.
Am I affluent enough to give money to beggars, or will they simply purchase drugs?
An individual’s mind merely focuses on the terrible things.
Oh, there are so many things wrong with a given party’s political philosophy.
An individual’s mind merely focuses on the terrible things.
Is it that I’m not intelligent enough to be a successful entrepreneur?
An individual’s mind merely focuses on the terrible things.
There are horrible things occurring, and I’m not participating in stopping them. Should I protest to prohibit something, or to change a policy. Oh, this is a challenging dilemma.
An individual’s mind merely focuses on the terrible things.
Should I? Am I capable? It will perpetually continue!
Yes, an individual’s mind merely focuses on the terrible things.
Humorous Poems:
If only I possessed your anus,
For yours is a gluteus maximus,
And mine is merely a gluteus.
If only I wasn’t so ridiculously flatulent,
And I wasn’t perpetually passing gas.
But I suppose that will never occur.
To think, I’d have to undergo some peculiar medical treatment,
I’m certainly not familiar with a buttock transplant.
If only my butt didn’t reek so terribly,
As any individual would undoubtedly cover their nose,
Simply from sitting on a floor atop mine.
And perhaps, even from sitting a mile away.
Oh, those exclamations!
“This is ridiculous! Your butt doesn’t smell horrible!”
Their idiocy is humorous,
As they do it while simultaneously covering their noses.
If only I possessed your anus,
If only.
If only I possessed the intellect of a peanut,
As pondering over things is rather an inconvenience.
It simply makes you unhappy!
Remarking upon your liberal philosophy,
And how much you despise the conservative philosophy,
Is useless.
It’s unfortunate,
As to how much this happens!
If only I possessed the intellect of a…
Oh, perhaps not of a peanut,
They are relatively smart,
I suppose a walnut, or a macadamia nut.
If only my brain was rotten,
That would certainly do it!
Oh, if only the controversial things were eliminated entirely from my intellect,
And what was left was that of a mere peanut.
About The Author:
Saul Hirshberg is an electronic child artist, multi-instrumentalist, amateur computer scientist, and rather unprofessional author and poet. His literary works consist of dystopian novels regarding inequalities in various types of societies. He is fond of simply sitting atop a television. He resides in Amherst, Massachusetts, with his mother, father, and sister.